


New Job?

by KaytheJay



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21681955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaytheJay/pseuds/KaytheJay
Summary: Dan gets mad at Phil but Phil uncovers the real reason.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	New Job?

“I asked for one simple thing. One fucking thing that I needed help with and you couldn’t even manage that,” Dan felt completly defeated. This wasn’t the first time Phil hadn’t done something he had asked for, for any number of reasons.  
“I’m sorry,” Phil squeaked. Dan shook his head.  
“Sorry worked the first time. Hell, sorry could fix the second time, but you never help around here. And I can’t do it all by myself.” Dan collapsed on the couch. “I really fucking can’t.”  
“I can’t do it all either, Dan,” Phil replied softly. “Do you really believe that you’re the only one in this apartment who’s struggling a little bit. We’re both in the same boat.” Phil looked over to Dan. “Look, I know this really isn’t over the dishes and the socks and the cupboard. What’s really the matter?” Dan shook his head.  
“I just can’t do it, Phil.” Dan put his head in his hands. “I don’t think I’m cut out for this. Maybe I need to go back to school and work on getting a real job now.” Dan felt tears burning his eyes, but he didn’t want to cry. He couldn’t. Not in front of Phil. Phil sat down beside Dan.  
“What do you mean get a real job? The radio combined with YouTube is paying just fine.”  
“I think I need to grow up a little, you know. Get some space from this fantasy that I’ve convinced myself might actually work out. I need a reality check.” Phil grabbed Dan’s hand.  
“And why shouldn’t it work out? You absolutely deserve for it to work out.” Dan stood up.  
“That’s just the thing, isn’t it? I don’t deserve for it to work out, Phil. I really don’t. Who am I to have it work out over all the other people who are working just as hard, if not harder than I am? Why am I better than all those people?” Dan laughed dryly. “The answer is I’m not. I’m not better than any of these other people whose YouTube careers fell apart before they even really got started. I’m not better than all of the other people that they could have given our show to.”  
“Don’t be silly, Dan,” Phil said softly. “Maybe you’re not better. Maybe you’re not even the best option because of your work ethic,” Phil smiled as he remembered the rules that they’d made up to keep each other in check to make sure that they actually did do their jobs so that they could continue working for YouTube and the BBC rather than having to go out and, as Dan had put it, get “real” jobs. But what even was a “real” job? Their jobs paid the bills just as well as a nine to five would. “What you have that a lot of other people don’t have is passion.”  
“But how far is that actually going to carry me? Not very far. Hey Dan what is your best trait? Passion. Oh um ok. But why should we hire you? Passion.”  
“You’re clearly upset about stuff that isn’t about me, so I’m going to do the dishes and wait for you to calm down, ok?” Phil got up. “I’ll be just in here ready to talk whenever you are.”  
Dan sat back down and shook his head. How was Phil not seeing the reason? Of course he didn’t deserve anything. He paused his thoughts. Phil didn’t know the full reason why he didn’t deserve it. Phil didn’t know about . . . about the attempt. Phil didn’t know how he’d been bullied and how he had been so desperate to fit in as a child that he would have done anything to gain acceptance from his peers. A person that desperate for anything didn’t deserve good things.  
Maybe he did need a real job. It would take the pressure off of him, for sure. He wouldn’t have an audience prying into his sexuality and trying to make him come out when he just wasn’t ready for that yet. He wasn’t ready for his family to know, let alone the rest of the world. He had to admit, the whole thing just made sense. He would allow himself to fall out of the public eye. Let everyone forget he even existed.  
His mind jumped to a specific letter that he got while he was still in school. One he’d never shared with anyone, not even Phil. He didn’t feel like it had been his place. The letter had come from a sixteen year old girl. It didn’t seem extraordinary at first. Just the usual fangirl stuff that you would expect to get out of a letter from a fan. But as he’d read more into the letter, the more he’d realized that his existence did have an impact on people. This young teenager had been struggling with depression for years. She couldn’t tell her family because they’d never take her seriously. But one day, she had decided that she’d had enough and was going to take her own life.  
Only she didn’t.  
Instead, she’d written that letter to Dan and by the time she’d finished the letter, she realized that she wasn’t actually ready to die. Didn’t want to give up her life before she got to the good part.  
She was looking at Dan as a source of light, for some reason. As her proof that life could get better. He didn’t understand why because he never talked about his life growing up online, not really. There was no way for this girl to know how bad his life had been. But still, she was using his life as proof that she could make herself better. She could live a better life. All out of his videos.  
And that had to be way more important than any office job he could ever have.  
Dan walked out to the kitchen and grabbed Phil by the waist. He squeezed him tightly and sighed into him.  
“I’m sorry. I really need to be more forgiving of things,” Dan said. “I should have figured out what I was really upset about instead of taking out on the nearest person.” Phil turned off the water and turned around to face Dan.  
“It’s not one-hundred percent your fault,” Phil admitted. “I was in the wrong too. You asked me to help you out a little bit. And you were right. It was one simple thing. I really should have just did what you asked of me. You always do what I ask you to do when I need a little bit of extra help. I should have been more willing to do you the same favor. I am sorry for not doing the dishes for you. And I’ll try to keep my socks picked up.”  
“No you aren’t.” Dan said. “We both know that you’re not going to so don’t even try to promise that.” He cracked a smile. “We did it, Phil.”  
“What, exactly, did we do?” Dan smiled wider.  
“We survived our first serious fight.” Phil smiled as well.  
“I suppose we did, didn’t we. Huh. Take out to celebrate?” Dan nodded.  
“I’ll order while you finish up there. Chinese sound good?”  
“Sounds perfect,” Phil said.

**Author's Note:**

> Hits and kudos mean the world to me. Comments fuel me into next week.   
> Find me on Tumblr @lesbaphannie


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